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<title>to change your day of youth to sullied night by TolkienGirl</title>
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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/23093608">to change your day of youth to sullied night</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/TolkienGirl/pseuds/TolkienGirl'>TolkienGirl</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>All That Glitters Gold Rush!AU: The Full Series [195]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>The Silmarillion and other histories of Middle-Earth - J. R. R. Tolkien</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angst, Gen, Interlude, Maeglin is just trying to get through, Mysterious Origins, Neglect, Regret, Trauma Boy, title from Shakespeare</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-03-10</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-03-10</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-01 12:29:01</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>339</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/23093608</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/TolkienGirl/pseuds/TolkienGirl</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>By day and by night, forgotten in his little room, he sees Russandol.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>All That Glitters Gold Rush!AU: The Full Series [195]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/1300685</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>3</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>18</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>to change your day of youth to sullied night</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Maeglin could starve to death without much trouble. No one--Bauglir--invites him to dine, and the larders and kitchens of the mountain have not a friendly face between them. There are always a few pinched, scuttling servants, and a rumpled chef--and in the time Maeglin has gone in and out of the mountain, the cast of these characters has often changed.</p><p>He visited this place, this <em>Diablo</em>, before Master Bauglir came to it. Before there were many proper rooms and halls. </p><p>He did not come alone.</p><p> </p><p>Curled on his side in the ever-dusk, with his hands tucked under his chin, Maeglin remembers the hazy places of his childhood. Upper rooms with windows for light. Thick stews and hard bread. Kind, if clumsy hands.</p><p>Faces that changed, too.</p><p>He's never been content. Not when he was left behind, less like a guest and more like an unwanted kitten.</p><p>(Maeglin has always wanted a kitten. The closest he has come is one of Annatar's horrid gifts: a pelt.)</p><p>He wasn't skinned, himself, nor was he drowned like kittens sometimes are. He was expected to earn his keep, at the one thing he'd always been naturally skilled at.</p><p>Weaponsmiths had been a common theme, in Maeglin's childhood, in between the obvious haunts.</p><p> </p><p>He should have known not to be grateful for the invitations to dine that still came his way.</p><p>A voice--almost the only voice--tells him, <em>Never be grateful for anything. It makes you a slave.</em></p><p>Maybe that was his failing, Maeglin thinks, snuffling miserably into his hands. Maybe Russandol was <em>grateful</em>.</p><p>By day and by night, forgotten in his little room, he sees Russandol.</p><p>Sometimes he tries to speak to him, in the hope that Russandol will answer.</p><p>But that is a betrayal of another kind, of another ghost.</p><p> </p><p>When the whole mountain is silent, except for the way it always groans, Maeglin slips out, mole-like, and steals a few morsels.</p><p>All this keeps him alive for one more day.</p><p>Beyond that, he knows nothing.</p><p> </p><p>He misses--</p>
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